Gertie, my love

DSC_3785Last Wednesday, tragically and unexpectedly my sweet dog, Gertie, passed away. I’ve been avoiding this blog and real life since then because I’m not sure how to move forward. I’ve had numerous posts planned, but it has felt wrong to continue on normally, and especially on here, without acknowledging the pain and the tragedy that has occurred in my life, and I have not felt ready, until now, to say something about it. For anyone who owns a dog, they understand that our dogs are our babies. That’s what Gus is, and what Gertie was to me. My babies. The babies that give me unconditional love each and every day of my life. Both Gus and Gertie were rescues, and I did and do my best to give them a loving, safe life once they are in my care and part of my family. I will spare the details of Gertie’s passing because it’s very personal and has affected both Ryan and I tremendously, and has made accepting this so much harder. Had she been old and had a full life, maybe this would be easier to deal with. But at this point, I feel a tremendous amount of guilt that she didn’t get the long, beautiful life she deserved.

I’ve been lucky up until this point to not have to deal with a loss so great. But it also makes me feel ill equipped to deal with something like this. I miss her so much it often feels impossible to ever feel happy and whole again.

I strongly believe everything happens for a reason in life – to teach us, to help us grow, to bring us together. At this time I am unsure why something so horrible would happen, but maybe with time, things will become clear. What I do know is that you need to cherish the people and animals in your life. To let them know everyday that you love them. To not sweat the small stuff. Life is full of tragedy and sadness, but it’s also full of beauty and if you allow it, love. All my friends and family have been so wonderful through all this, and I feel lucky to have them in my life. I never want to forget how lucky I am. That even though my days feel so terribly dark right now, there is a silver lining.

To quote one of my favourite movies: “The world will break your heart ten ways to Sunday, that’s guaranteed.
And I can’t begin to explain that- or the craziness inside myself and everybody else, but guess what? Sunday is my favorite day again. I think of what everyone did for me, and I feel like a very lucky guy.”  – Silver Linings Playbook

RIP Gertrude. You are and forever will be, my sweet baby girl.

Belle Vie / 15

DSC_4263DSC_4259DSC_4274DSC_4252DSC_4144DSC_4147DSC_4163DSC_4167DSC_4176DSC_4171DSC_4173DSC_4264DSC_4276DSC_4272DSC_43701. My parents have been redecorating their home and bought this beautiful antique table. I guess it’s pretty obvious where I get my love for antiques and vintage from.
2. Cleo and Maya! I grew up with three dogs, but Sophie passed away over a year ago. Just these two are left. They have grown so attached to each other over the years. It’s so cute!
3. My parents always have such a lovely garden.
4. My brother Nick, and his son/my nephew Jason. Jason has autism (and wears those headphones a lot because too much noise upsets him) and it’s definitely not an easy thing for any parent, young or old, to have to deal with, but we love him to death. He couldn’t possibly have a better father or grandparents here to do whatever they can for him.
5. My two brothers, Nicholas and Zachary. I don’t see them often, but I love them dearly.
6-7. My beautiful, wonderful mother. This lady is an actual angel and I don’t know what I’d do without her. I can talk to her about anything and I’m so grateful for that. When I’m upset or overwhelmed she is the first person I call.
8. My dad! If you ever wondered where I get my strangeness from, it’s him. My dad is the most generous human I have ever met. His kids and grand kid are his whole life and he goes above and beyond for us. We didn’t really get along when I was a teenager, but our relationship has turned in such a beautiful direction.
9. My cousins Matthew and Ashley and their other halves. It had definitely been over a year since I had seen them (maybe more!?), and it was so nice to see how well all my cousins are doing.
10. My amazing grandparents cutting their cake for their 60th anniversary. I surely hope I can stand someone for that amount of time (haha)
11. My grampy! We kept joking that he looks very bohemian with his long hair.
12. My dad and I taking Cleo and Maya for a walk.
13. More flowers!
14. Cleo is the best! Growing up she was my dog, and it was really tough on her when I moved away from home back when I was 19.
15. Every time I visit Ottawa it is an absolute must that I see Upjeet. I have known him since I was 12, and we dated in high school for a couple years (teehee), and then became best friends (well I guess we have always been best friends). I don’t see him very often, but he is so important to me, and lucky for me he is moving to Toronto, so I’m pretty excited about that.

Dear Ottawa

DSC_4237I just got back last night from a very short but so so sweet visit to Ottawa. It was my grandparents 60th anniversary (crazy right!?), so I knew I had to be there to celebrate with them and the whole family. There were faces I hadn’t seen in years, so it was really nice to see how well everyone is doing, and how grown all my cousins are. Unfortunately Ryan was on call for work, so he couldn’t make it down, but I’ll drag him along next time to experience the country’s capital. I was pleasantly surprised to find my best friend Kristen and her other half Sergio were also in town to see Book of Mormon so I crashed their date after the show and we went to eat fancy tacos (no surprise there) at El Camino and sip some beers and bourbon sours. Our friend Jon joined us later in the evening, and honestly the night was so good. It was an evening full of nonsense talk (which is pretty much my favourite) and laughing till our cheeks hurt and our bellies burned. It’s tough sometimes, not being able to see Kristen whenever I want. What we have is really special to me and I miss her so much, but it’s nice to know that even if we don’t see eachother for months, we can always pick up right where we left off like no time has passed at all.

These photos are from some antique and vintage browsing I did with my parents on Saturday afternoon. I have a post planned for this place because it was super cute and full of treasures.

Hope you all had a lovely weekend!

*photos by my mom

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DSC_4228 Blouse: thrifted vintage
Skirt: thrifted Club Monaco via Common Sort
Bow tie: handmade
Shoes: Seychelles
Tote: Parkdale Flea

Into It, Intimates / Hopeless Lingerie

resize (7)When I came across Hopeless Lingerie it immediately gave me serious femme fatale/black widow vibes. To me, Hopeless Lingerie is the seductress of lingerie brands, which I think is the intent, because designer Gabrielle Adamidis pieces are inspired by old films, modern art, the ocean, the 1980’s and B-grade horror films. Her inspiration doesn’t just end at the designs, this particular lookbook is eerily tantalizing and the photography focuses mostly on the parts of a woman that can be of temptation to a man or woman – the stuff that makes us lose our heads. It’s the (veggie)meat and potatoes of film noir, and thus totally perfect. It’s so easy to find collections that lose their purpose and direction, I see it all the time. Sure, the garments are nice, tons are, but what makes it stand out? Why would I want to wear it? Maybe I think too deeply about these things, but Hopeless Lingerie never makes me wonder. The inspiration and direction is never lost. It’s a solid brand, with beautifully detailed, handmade pieces that would make any woman feel sexy and empowered while wearing them.

My favourites: Donna Knickers – polka dot, Jessica Bralette – black lace, Nancy Cami – polka dot, Monica Wrap Top – star mesh, Carrie Knickers, Jeanne Knickers – star mesh

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Belle Vie / 14

DSC_4057DSC_4126DSC_3901DSC_4107DSC_4131DSC_4139DSC_4127DSC_41211. I was trying to take some silly photos for my birthday when Ryan walked in the door with some gifts for me and then decided he wanted to be in front of the camera. I let him be a weirdo for a moment, and then joined him. It would be nice to have more photos together I think.
2. I love love love the outdoors and I love being near water, but I’m actually pretty terrified of swimming in lakes/oceans. I don’t like the idea of not knowing what’s beneath my feet. It always takes a bit of self-encouragement before I get into water with lil’ fishes in it.
3. Ryan and our friend Oskar got really into soccer during the World Cup. They’d watch a game and then head to a soccer field to kick the ball around for a few hours.
4. Before sitting on the beach for the day on Saturday, we strolled around the paths on Ward’s Island, checking out the houses and wishing we lived in them. We found this one home with a giant boat hanging in a tree.
5. Jiggly Balls! I don’t know if that’s an actual name, or if Ryan made it up, but Ryan filled 3 balloons with sand at the beach and started to juggle and then tried to teach me. I don’t think I will ever get the hang of juggling.
6. We turned the Jiggly Balls into smiling fish, or smiling tadpoles, or smiling sperms (inappropriate)?
7. Boats!
8. He’s just like really handsome, and he shaved his head!

Styling / Audrey Kitching

DSC_3973As I mentioned in my previous post, I spent the majority of Friday styling Audrey Kitching. Gerald found out he would be shooting her about one week and half before, so he got his regular team together (me and Leesa) and quickly planned a concept that ended up being so awesome! Audrey was a dream to style. Not only is she absolutely gorgeous, but she is so sweet and down to earth. I kept the whole thing a secret from everyone (except Meaghan and Ryan) until the day of the shoot, and it was pretty hilarious to see how excited some of my old pals from high school were about me getting to meet and work with her. She was a pretty big deal for scene kids back in the day and I had a ton of friends who loved her. She is obviously still very popular and I feel really and truly lucky to be able to say I got to put her in some of my gorgeous Larkspur garments and a darling floral matching set from Rosehound Apparel that I pulled from the lovely gals at Victoire (thanks ladies!). It was a beautiful day and perfect for shooting. I can’t wait until the photos are released. As you can see the concept was aviation and Gerald pulled out all the stops for it – including a giant model plane, a wicked airplane headpiece, flying bikes and an actual parachute from Leesa’s dad’s army days. This series is going to be a killer one, so keep a lookout for it!

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Happy Belated

Processed with VSCOcam with n2 presetThe past few days have been pretty amazing. Friday I spent the day styling the one and only Audrey Kitching which was sort-of insane and it’s kind of hard to believe it actually happened. I took plenty of photos from the day and shoot, so I’ll talk more about that later. These photos are from Saturday, which was my 26th birthday. Ryan and I had brunch at one of my favourite spots, Rustic Cosmo, or as Meaghan’s boyfriend Nick calls it, The Rusty Combo (don’t ask), and then headed to Toronto Island to relax in the sun listening to garage rock and sipping much-too-sweet alcoholic beverages. Ryan took these photos of me at Ward’s Island – my sort-of dream spot if I could afford to live here, and if anyone would actually give up their home. The houses have a wonderfully cottage-y feel and you would never know that just a ferry ride away is crazy ol’ Toronto. After the island we went to Hogtown Vegan, and if you are ever visiting Toronto and like crazy cool vegan food, this is the spot. It’s vegan comfort food, and honestly makes you wonder why you ever ate meat in the first place.  The night finished off with drinks at Geraldine’s, a new-ish 1920’s themed bar in Parkdale, (super pricey, but totally worth it) and then to Pharmacy, and like the name insinuates was once a pharmacy, also in Parkdale, but is now a quaint bar where you always run into a familiar face. It was a great day and night. There were a lot of people missing that I wished could have shared my birthday with me, but it seems a ton of my closest friends reside all around the globe now (cries!!). On Sunday I had brunch with Meaghan and Ryan, and Meaghan bought me a jade plant from Crown Flora, which I have yet to name (Ryan also bought me a cactus, who needs a name. suggestions are welcome). I spent the rest of the day cleaning my apartment that looked like a clothes bomb had exploded everywhere (i hate unpacking after shoots) and re-watching Short Term 12, bawling my eyes out (i love a good cry) cause it’s so good and so sad!

I hope you all had a lovely weekend as well! Today I am off work and am going to start prepping things for my upcoming Larkspur lookbook. It kept getting pushed back due to other shoots I was styling, but it is finally happening in the next couple weeks, so stay tuned.

*photos by Ryan

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Processed with VSCOcam with n2 presetDress worn as shirt: H&M
Shorts: TLO
Hat: vintage via a wee shop in MTL
Shoes: thirfted Giorgio Armani